How 2016 was the worst of numbers ,..

Already tired of 2016 and it’s not even half done, and when I just thought shit can’t get any worse and life was like, “we’ll see about that” and then shit got shittier and stinkier (Yeahh that’s a word from now on, “Stinkier”)

My little experiment of renting my own place was a kick to my balls by myself, well try doing that; awkward angle. Apparently I don’t do well alone as I thought, everything started to look more negative and hopeless and I started hearing voices in my head, alienating people, playing scenarios over and over while watching flash or Arrow. And well, what exactly is wrong with Barry Allen; he keeps saying he is the fastest man alive and in every single season and episode there is someone else beating the living crap out of him, from reverse flash to Zoom and even the girl on steroids (Velocity-9) is faster than him, they keep this up and even Cisco would make faster laps than Barry. Could I be any more drama (Just kidding about the voices in my head though, I’m still sound of mind and it’s safe to talk to me, or no??)

Sometimes you are too confident and arrogant about yourself, you think of yourself as strong and tall and unstoppable; juggernaut of sorts, 2015 was a year of optimism and hope for me, and then I made a few decisions telling myself, “Dude you are awesome, let’s do it” and then came 2016. Yes, I’m just going to blame everything on the year. So if you are going to read me you might as well accept the fact that it’s all on 2016. So here I am having no idea on what to do or how to proceed, burdens I cannot share, even less temperament to explain (someone say why do you even bother and the immediate retort is, “Go fuck a dog or something”) and then you might ask why am I writing all this, well I thought so too, but I had to write this for myself, once I've written about something I've often been able to get over it, so here I am, rambling on and on.

It is so refreshing to just assign blame on something/someone and get it over with. What’s better than a simple minded number like “2016” to put all the crap on? A sort of reason why single, unmarried people have no reason to be humble, we could just say fuck it and move on, All we need is a rock to hold on to and build ourselves around, an understanding parent, an awesome friend, a street dog that wiggles it's tail whenever it sees you, a two year old cousin who loves you, could be anyone or anything., just so we don’t lose hope on life.
It’s always a small crossing between life and hopelessness, it’s an even smaller push that defines where we are and who we are. The decisions we make, the weight we put on people around us, it’s a shame our success in life cannot be defined in a single front. We can’t just say I have a job, my friends you can all go die, pleaseee. So there are just too many factors to label us a failure, you have some money, a job and family and you still can’t watch a movie in peace, make a light hearted joke and get away with it, catch up with a friend and talk shit about the world and share a beer then what’s the point, the world is changing I need to balance everything on every front, it’s a tiring job, the thing is you want to give up every time you do it and you can’t somehow because everyone else do it.

Life saps all the energy from us and expects more, if caffeine is all that keeps you going then you are somewhat lucky, I am quite sure there are universes with no caffeine, people will just have to make do with Tea, how cruel that is.

Deep breath, tell myself I am fine, that the night is always the darkest before the dawn (usual crap to keep me going)

So once again getting ready for the next lap. 

Get Set GOoooooo...

Walking Past Clouds and Rains,…

Out in the darkness my eyes see it all so clear,
I succumb under its weight,
I become one with it;
While Light blinds me, scalds my senses and tortures my soul to the point of breaking.
With the storm’s cunning it takes away all;
So less are its efforts I feel so powerless and the sense to resist has left me floating in an endless abyss; a pit devouring life,
But as the night approaches I lay awake in the chaos and watch;
The silence so deafening, I can see and hear what lies beneath,
its screams echoing through time and space.
Fathoms away from life, it seeks death-
Of its obsession to absence than the magnificence of the presence,
The effortless drought of light is who I am, shadows of shadows
Darkness so thick one could breathe it, touch it, embrace it and revel in the dimensions of the Gods unnoticed.
The magic of love and life are measly illusions forged out of dreams;
A hole lies where a heart was.
I lay awake as patient as the Gods shaping life
Waiting to reach out and take back what’s mine from the sternest of storms and thunder and lightning.
I am life and I am death, the beginning and the end, the creator and the destroyer,
Everything that is and is not,
My hysteria travels through worlds, its insanity fuels suns and stars and I accept light so I can live in the dark.
In an ocean of black shadows where my eyes see right and bright, shining lone ambers in a deep coal mine, with the glow of a hunting falcon, I fly high and steep; ascend in to the winds to look down
And a nose dive to see if I survive, knowing I will
Buried beneath shallow valleys and confidences of the great oceans, an expression of life and death; one good eye and one fading light
I begin hearing  whispers, a colossal leap in to the space and my hands reaching out to the source; it’s freezing cold, a fear takes shape like a serpent, coils around and round and seeps in to my mind and heart and gives me strength,
Its venom heals wounds and scars as if there were none;
I am the two sides of a coin holding its reigns I turn on my own,
Thunder storms beside I walk like the king of kings.

How OK Kanmani is a sad melodrama :| :( !!??!!!

I was tricked into believing Ok kanmani was a happy-go-lucky love flick, but when I watched it for the second time the hard truth started seeping into my thick skull and I realized it is actually a sad movie disguised in beautiful cinematography, witty oneliners and Out-of-the-world Music; it starts with a bang, how can it not with the confident Dulquar and expressive and extraordinarily cute Nithyamenon trying to woo each other and end up being successful ;) then moves on portraying how charmingly magical love can be, sets off a song in everyone's heart, makes everyone wants to dance in the rain. But then as the climax closes in they had to get married because of the social pressure,  and everything falls apart, they end up not being able to go out with anyone else and just make kids :p :p

(please dont get up before the end card)

The Great fall and the Silence that follows,........

The Cold blues of the skies and its cosmic silence weighing down on his soul as a rock sinking with no hopes in the deep calm oceans, with no hold or ties to life. The pure and white snows of the Himalayas which once were the very reflection of his soul now has become nothing but a mere cloak to hide what’s beneath. Finally the time has come; his reason and in turn his very life has started to dissolve, not a surprise. For quite a while now he knows what bound him to life has disappeared from his memories and his soul; which eventually would push him to the long sleep and search.

He fell down to the earth from the searing heights of Himalayas, what he was once, a majestic bird, with wings spanning across whole continents now a burning ball of fire, Triggering auroras in to the skies and watching souls alike. Colors too vivid to imagine now holding hands in silence witnessing the great fall, every flap of his wing in some deep corner of the universe giving rise to a star, spunning life in to the farthest reaches of the universes, the never ending cycle of his descent and awakening has begun.  For what purpose he carried a shape for so long is now burnt in the boundless heat and sprayed as ashes across the appalling heights of the great mountains. In another way by losing his shape the mythical bird has become a bigger purpose, a reason beyond comprehension. once in every Billennia he loses his reason, the reason which holds him together as an entity and burns, the heat scorching the suns and stars but his soul lives on, searching for a purpose; the burned ashes being the carrier of his destiny, in his elemental form he remains an observer for centuries; looking for a worthy purpose, for his patience surpasses that of the Gods shaping life.

Centuries and millennia to him are mere seconds, his understanding of time is colossal, Eons may pass and he sleeps in silence knowing time is an illusion, why run behind it when you know you cannot catch up; what lies ahead is bound to come close, not left to anyone’s choice, even to one as powerful as himself, the only truth he understands is purpose.

When one knows what he is looking for; the mirage of time disappears, too focused on what you want, everything else becomes a blur. The vastness of the skies and the un-measurable distances are the places he dwells, now he has become shapeless, the very winds of the monsoons he was creating he has become himself, his eyes as focused as always begins the long search, for the purpose and to once again to find the reason.

People call him by various names, Hindu legends call him Garuda, the God of Birds, while western civilizations call him the Phoenix; he who raises from his own ashes. He neither cares for religions nor for races, the high skies are his kingdom he is the watcher of the earth and life and bringer of storms.

————————————————————————————————————

I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.
-Geetha


In his final moments he takes whole ships as if a  pack of cards and tosses them unto the wind, teaching humbleness and humility, creating storms, moving mountains with the twitch of his fingers, and dispelling the illusion of eternity to all life looking; nothing is permanent; the skies roared alongside, but he himself is permanent thought the passing souls; he could hear them but chose not to answer for what they will never understand is that he may come alive as time passes, after eons, may be on another plane but he will never be himself without the same purpose, to the person who knows everything eternity as much as time is an illusion.

The final darkness dawns on as he gives up his slight grasps on reality and his memories and collapses in to silence, a silence so loud that it hurts eyes and ears of commons, closing his eyes he shuts out everything and starts his search for himself.

The King and the Truth......

He stood up from his meditation under the soon to be called The Tree of enlightenment, looked over his subjects; the same gaze he once used to give as a King now has taken a shroud of mystery and subtlity. King Siddhartha started speaking to his disciples, his voice booming across the skies and beyond and heard by the Gods as one of their own, while soldiers of great wars stood still and starred at the skies.

The Great king Siddhartha declared,"I renounce all earthly possessions, My desires, My Karma and every bond that binds me; I wish, you my dear disciples shall do the same". The answer that his followers and other greats like him have equally sought over ages has been found; thought the gathering.

The Skies trembled as if in acceptance of the Truth, a torrential rain has started and came down in respect  to the King turned ascetic; King Siddhartha felt not the rain, nor the winds, only the satisfaction of the fulfillment of his reason, he had been wandering in and out of his body, traveled to the past where no man has ever set foot on and the future that is  yet to come, for years he had sat under that tree in a trance, trying to know nothing else but himself, he has become omniscient which now feels natural, like how a common man knows what he sees, King Siddhartha knows the past, present and future; no walls barring his sight, every mind in the crowd known to him as if its him, no secrets hidden, he sees through their heart and soul.
A little child from the crowd suddenly caught his attention, its eyes fogged by the rain; yet as bright and curious as the King himself, Siddhartha felt as if the child wanted to ask him something, now that he has all the answers, so sure of himself the King beckoned the child to come near, knelt down to the child and inquired, "What is it little one?", the child wiping off the rain drops trailing down his face answered, "My dear King , your wish that the world renounces all desires in itself is a desire, is it not ?"

Deserts are a sign of lifelessness, yet in its deepest corners life thrives; the desert itself is alive; it plays tricks on mind, creating mirages, luring people in by showing them what they want to see. Siddhartha's mind has been wandering in the deepest deserts of all times, he has started walking towards a loan Oasis that stood in the middle of the desert;  he thought he was all alone in the vastness of the universe but now he could hear a child's voice calling him from behind, getting stronger by each second.

Shocked by the sudden revelation, his years of ascetic life, his search and all his answers shattered by a child's  innocent question, tears start flowing from his eyes, he makes no attempt to hide them but veiled to his disciples only by the rains. The Great King knelt down lower, his voice which once stopped a charging bull on its tracks now reduced to a mere whisper, whispered to himself and to the child, "Who are you", not as a question but as an answer. The child retorted, "I am you, everyone and everything else; the source and the end", and closed the King's eyes with his little palms, in the very moment becoming a blinding speck of light; the sun, moon and the stars bowing in shame of their own dullness, the universe for a split of a second lit only by Truth, the child becomes one with King Siddhartha.

He who closed his eyes as King Siddhartha opens his own and the world's as one and as the Buddha

King Siddhartha's aching dry throat pleads with him to walk towards the Oasis, his mind though has turned back towards the voice, sees light and knows the direction and its reason.

Higgs boson and the pakkathu veetu patti…

Physics(The Subject) in many ways is an attractive woman, it lures you in with its amazing features such as the hopes for answer to the universe and everything else. Makes you think it is all that you want to understand and in every turn eludes you. The great Oasis in the desert of time that most physicists long to see in their short lifeterm(what arrogance) is the Higgs boson. This particle turns out a mirage every time great men think and boast they’ve found it, just like Love does to every man in search for it.

A few months ago when it hit the headlines again a neighbourhood guy, a science enthusiast I presume, went running to his friends to share the happy news about Higgs boson particle being unveiled in the CERN particle accelerator facility. In his way he shared his enthusiasm to his patti(grand ma); about the impact it will have on all the mysteries of the universe. Finally how Albert Einstein could stop wandering as a ghost and RIP. To which the Patti took a very firm stand in her belief and responded with a “silly kid, world was created in the Dance of Lord Shiva” (a Vague but almost close translation of the tamil statement), what is ironic about all this is, the ultra modern State-of-the-art CERN lab has on its porch The statue of Lord Shiva unfolding the Universe in his Dance of fury (from the Hindu mythology); the respect shown by the CERN labs is in absolute contrast to the Guy staring down at the old patti in mock disbelief.

What I want to point out here is the Patti’s belief in Myth is as good as the  Grandson’s  Faith in science. No answer is too simple to be pushed away, science is as much of assumptions as myths are of imagination, I am a self declared atheist yet in tight situations and close calls  I turn to the higher power, we all do, too proud to announce it though. May be one way of showing the power some respect is by accepting that a power may exist, even by stressing the “may” with Caps and Italics(like “MAY”, or “MAY”) it still is showing respect , when theists go to temples and churches, and show their devotion an Atheist declares his respect to the Gods with Caps lock and Italics(Time for some fireworks ).

In many ways those who believe in the Gods and higher power have more resolve than the Boson lovers, for the guy was sad for a week when it was proved the particle might not be Higgs Boson afterall but the Patti after all her long years and wilting appetite was gearing up for the Navarathiri celebrations and doll selections in homage to the Higgs Boson of her World.


 

conpusions of India (literally :P)

We as the world’s biggest democracy has seen so many elections and so many leaders, our economy has reached new peaks, and we do claim to be the oldest of the civilizations that stands in par with The Egyptians and Sumerians, when the Europeans were hunting for their food, we were building ships and trading with the east, with such history one would expect us to be in the top of the food chain, The Big brother status of USA should only do us less credit, let us put such deserving thoughts aside for a while; I happened to witness the Presidential debate of the USA for the first time(Of course in TV) and was left in astonishment by the decency displayed by both the candidates and was even more baffled the next day to see the American news papers lashing out at them for certain remarks made and at the Moderator especially for not controlling the debate very well.

 The Reason why me in the first place presumed the debate as decent was because of my expectation of witnessing hair pulling and chair throwing which are the unique identities of an Indian Parliament session; A day without which any chosen public representative of Indian legislature will consider it his day off, A wasted day. Now let me come to the first point of the post, considering our long history as a society are we not supposed to love our fellow beings a little more? If given a chance should we not try and make the lives of our fellow beings a little better? We boast an economy growing faster than the Americans isn't it about time that no Indian sleeps with out his day’s bread, Isn't it about  time that each Indian writes and reads his own post card to his family(I happened to help an illiterate guy to write a letter at a post office, Didn't make me happy at all) and decide on his own, his vote.

Now again to the Presidential debate of the USA; When I saw Romney and Obama argue I saw two fellow Americans competing to help their country men, They both believe that the other guy cant do as well as himself, at least that is the posture they must maintain in order to win and to continue office,  How hopeless it is to hope for at least a posture, a gesture of doing good from the Indian politicians, I'm not scaling up to the levels of president or Prime minister(in the case of India), No, Not yet. can you question your Municipal Councillor ?? can a Indian point finger at his Municipal Councillor, no  and Yet we call it a free nation.

P.S: After all Indians get arrested for drawing cartoons

Any bloke will find this post discontinuous, erratic but i had to vent out my frustration and I did, so if you are searching for something good to read i’d suggest not to try this one, well this warning probably should appear in the beginning but it isn't which only means I really don't care,

Bazingggggaaaaaa :)  punks :P