Already tired of 2016 and it’s not even half done, and when I just thought shit can’t get any worse and life was like, “we’ll see about that” and then shit got shittier and stinkier (Yeahh that’s a word from now on, “Stinkier”)
My little experiment of renting my own place was a kick to my balls by myself, well try doing that; awkward angle. Apparently I don’t do well alone as I thought, everything started to look more negative and hopeless and I started hearing voices in my head, alienating people, playing scenarios over and over while watching flash or Arrow. And well, what exactly is wrong with Barry Allen; he keeps saying he is the fastest man alive and in every single season and episode there is someone else beating the living crap out of him, from reverse flash to Zoom and even the girl on steroids (Velocity-9) is faster than him, they keep this up and even Cisco would make faster laps than Barry. Could I be any more drama (Just kidding about the voices in my head though, I’m still sound of mind and it’s safe to talk to me, or no??)
Sometimes you are too confident and arrogant about yourself, you think of yourself as strong and tall and unstoppable; juggernaut of sorts, 2015 was a year of optimism and hope for me, and then I made a few decisions telling myself, “Dude you are awesome, let’s do it” and then came 2016. Yes, I’m just going to blame everything on the year. So if you are going to read me you might as well accept the fact that it’s all on 2016. So here I am having no idea on what to do or how to proceed, burdens I cannot share, even less temperament to explain (someone say why do you even bother and the immediate retort is, “Go fuck a dog or something”) and then you might ask why am I writing all this, well I thought so too, but I had to write this for myself, once I've written about something I've often been able to get over it, so here I am, rambling on and on.
It is so refreshing to just assign blame on something/someone and get it over with. What’s better than a simple minded number like “2016” to put all the crap on? A sort of reason why single, unmarried people have no reason to be humble, we could just say fuck it and move on, All we need is a rock to hold on to and build ourselves around, an understanding parent, an awesome friend, a street dog that wiggles it's tail whenever it sees you, a two year old cousin who loves you, could be anyone or anything., just so we don’t lose hope on life.
It’s always a small crossing between life and hopelessness, it’s an even smaller push that defines where we are and who we are. The decisions we make, the weight we put on people around us, it’s a shame our success in life cannot be defined in a single front. We can’t just say I have a job, my friends you can all go die, pleaseee. So there are just too many factors to label us a failure, you have some money, a job and family and you still can’t watch a movie in peace, make a light hearted joke and get away with it, catch up with a friend and talk shit about the world and share a beer then what’s the point, the world is changing I need to balance everything on every front, it’s a tiring job, the thing is you want to give up every time you do it and you can’t somehow because everyone else do it.
Life saps all the energy from us and expects more, if caffeine is all that keeps you going then you are somewhat lucky, I am quite sure there are universes with no caffeine, people will just have to make do with Tea, how cruel that is.
Deep breath, tell myself I am fine, that the night is always the darkest before the dawn (usual crap to keep me going)
So once again getting ready for the next lap.
Get Set GOoooooo...
